Without further ado, here is the first few days of my travels!
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28 - 8: Arrive in Hong Kong at midnight, and go to bed after a 9hr flight. I sat next to a big Italian bloke who didn't speak much in the way of English - or at all, which is good, because I rather dislike speaking to big italian blokes beside me on planes. I don't much like flying - too cramped and boring for the most part, although I saw V for Vendetta twice, which means that... ummm, I won't watch it again? Also saw a fairly trite film about little animals stealing food from people - best left for 9 hr flights when you've watched everything else. There were no sexy swedish stewerdesses, which totally blew my mind about travelling.
Here is the first overseas photo I took!
29 - 8: Wander around Hong Kong. My cousin is in Kowloon,which is not actually part of the hong kong island per se, but part of mainland china. Or something - if you want a geography lesson, perhaps a geography teacher is best. I quickly discover that the natives of Kowloon are, at best, low-level english speakers, and at best, um, slightly less low level english speakers. I memorise the fantastic lines “ Neigh hao! Neigh sik mh sik gong yingman ah?” which means, “Good day gentle sir/madam, it would appear I am in some distress and would like to converse fluently with a local person in my native language, which happens to be English. Is there any way in which you are perchance versed in said language, whereby we can continue our intercourse in a pleasing manner?” Very potent stuff, this cantonese.
sadly, my first time using this and I am met with an impressive rejoinder... all of which in cantonese. I think they might have missed some of the gist of my message, but there you are.
I wander up to the peak of Kowloon, meet some english backpackers (english! ENGLISH! the joy of hearing any english words is really immense after only a few hours of hearing none at all... well, any english words aside from “a litrle”, combined with a wry smile). They are actually about to finish their world tour ( which dwarves mine, as it went for 10 months), and we had a nice little chat about the similarities of their journey, which also began by meeting some people who were just finishing their journey. Anyway, a good crossing point is always nice.
The peak is nice, and I should really attach some photos... but I won’t, because I just can’t be bothered with all the cables & the software. Also, and more importantly, this internet connection is dial up, so the photos will take an hour to be sent, which isn’t good.
Went out that night, drank some alcohol, met some people & partied, and went home.
30-8 I have run out of money (did I mention that HK drinks are easily more expensive than in Sydney? They come to about $7 for a beer on a night out... although for 60 HK dollars i could also buy a half litre... which is $10, and decidedly better value), and so need to change some more aussie for hong kong. In doing so, I wander around hopelessly lost trying to find a money exchange taht won't extort me, and see a girl who is looking quite distressed. I wander up and ask her her proficiency with the english language - "english?" I say. She responds by nearly breaking down into tears.
She, it would appear, is a thai girl who is here to help set up a branch of a chocolate shop that she is running in thailand. She has to meet with some people, but can't find her way - which naturally, I offer to help, because, heck, she's hot. I even offer to carry her bag (which she handed over - I thought that was a little silly on her part, but carried it anyway). We quickly find her friends, and, alas, she is leaving today, but gives me her contact details should I end up in thailand. Which I won't.
Ok! So, good deed done, I now embark onto Macau, where I meet a nice german chap & we have lunch together. No one speaks any english AT ALL in Macau, so I can put my excellent mandarin skills to the test. German guy leaves early, and I am left to wander Macau. I end up at a casino (I think there are only casinos in Macau), where I wander about saying "blackjack zai nar?" which is "where is the blackjack". I occaisionally ask people if they speak english, but they never do.
End up at the table where I am SURE the girl-dealer does not like me. At one stage, after making the goddamn "I'm fine and want no more cards" signal 10 times (and this is after having played several rounds) she starts yammering in mandarin at me. At which point a fellow player says something fierce to me. there was only one thing to do... Wo hui shuo yi dian hanyu!
Which means I don't really speak much mandarin at all. At which point I think that the dealer calls me a foreign devil (or white devil, I don't know, she wasn't pleased) and I promptly win 1000 hk dollars to boot.
By the way, is this boring? I hope not. Anyhoo, I leave the casino, (and let me tell you, their casinos are not like ours at all - very boring, staid, smokey places. Zero atmosphere here, folks, unless you like middle-aged chinese people playing pontoon and speaking in another language, go elsewhere), and head to the elevators. I see the buttons, and instead of pressing G, I press to go to level 8, where there is a night club.
Macau people sure know how to party. No sooner do I walk in than I am whisked to a comfortable seat, and offered a brimming glass of champagne - I ask if anyone can speak english while simultaneously screaming no to the champagne - I don’t want to blow my winnings on a glass. They arrange for the manageress to come out, and while waiting I notice an uncommon amount of, erm, large breasted asian girls in mostly knickers wandering in the background.
Surprise surprise, the manageress comes out and tells me that this place is a place where “people go and choose a girl and shag her”, at which point I share with her the english word “brothel”. At $600 an hour, it’s a little too rich for my blood (and my suggestion of haggling made the manageress think I wanted to sleep with HER, which let me tell you I did not ~ I was only haggling for the fun of it, because I felt that, being a nice enough looking young white chap, some sort of discount would be readily offered... which it wasn’t), and let’s face it, not my thing.
Hey, look, sorry this is so long - I’ve done a bit, and this is as much (if not more) for my memory than your entertainment.
I leave the place, disgusted at the high price of sex in asia, and begin the journey home... or do I? No, I do. Only then I stop, and realise that there is one phrase that simply MUST be said in Macau, in the native tongue of mandarin.
Wo shi william de pengyou
I get out my camera/camcorder, approach a delectable looking girl, and ask her, in my bad mandarin, to tell me that she is william’s friend, while I record her. It takes a bit of effort (because Mr Chu the mandarin teacher never taught us the phrase for “let me record you saying that you are william’s friend for the amusement of my friend’s back home”), but I get her to in the end. Buoyed by success, I head off to a park to a group of girls, and get the same result!
31-8: I sleep alot, it's quite tiring! This heat is crazy something amazing.
1-9 Get to KL at 6pm, have a nap and eat some food. Talk to my relos who I haven’t seen in a while.
1-9 I never wrote anything about this. I have little idea what happened, aside from flying to kl?
1-9 Get to KL at 6pm, have a nap and eat some food. Talk to my relos who I haven't seen in a while.
2-9 Big dinner with my family, then go out to my cousin's friend's 30th birthday. He reminded me of Haran (with the good looks & the fasion sense, but not attractive woman partnering him, so the similarities ended there), and I got royally boozed up.
3-9 Go to the prestigious lake club for a 7am swim(!), only to be kicked out as visistors can only use the pool after 6pm.... bloody oath! Instead, my cousin Soumya takes me for a walk around the lake gardens, then I head back home and tuck into a book I am reading. Head off to RajaRajesweeni's temple in the evening for some praying.
4-9 Visit my uncle and his world-level scrabble playing wife. She heads off on some business, so Uncle kindly whomps me two times in scrabble (the first was 386-375, but the second a monster 444-397, including on his part a seven letter word on two double word tiles as the second word of the game, and he raced off with a huge lead). I meet with another cousin and eat some food.
5-9 A visit to Hanuman's temple and some more blessings, and then I visit another uncle for some dinner. Very nice, although I have not organised a trip to Rendang I was wanting to go on.
6-9 I really did nothing. I have my mobile working - I am on +60126825394 if you want to call me, and I was going to go to this beautiful island resort tomorrow, only I am heading up to ANOTHER resort on saturday, and the logistics of spending any real time up in rendang is too hard to organise. I still might though, I'm in that kind of mood.
7-9 I organised going to a place called Langkawi, which was quite fun the day before at 2am in the morning! So, I wake up & head out, grab a plane and see the sights. Langkawi is quite beautiful, although the beaches there have a disturbingly black (from pollution, I suppose) set of sand where the water laps onto the beach. I rent a car, and belt around the island at 100km/h, searching for a cool place to stay, In the end, I settle on a place that cost about 70 aussie, and had a wonderful view of the surrounding islands. It's very pretty and fun, but a bit lonely, seeing as everyone here is a couple, so there is no one to just sit and chat to. Also, there is no central place in langkawi, so unless you meet people in your hotel, you got nothing. But dash it! Belting around the island, with the beautiful beaches, hillsides and so on is alot of fun. I passed paddy fields, bison, monkeys - cool.
8-9 I leave Langkawi! Meet up with Sri Hari & have a few drinks, meet a chap who stayed at our house a while back and have some drinks with him too! In Langkawi, I should add, I:
returned my car after driving like a banshee and not finding a single place. The sign posting is atrocious. Oh, wait, no, I find: a mosque (that I thought was a tomb, but was really just a mosque), and a beach (with black sand and mud), and a field of burnt rice (a 3*3m garden with some grass, no burnt rice visible - truly tragic, the locals have set up a whole street of shops approaching this place).
I then hire a taxi to take me to a waterfall (having given up on ever finding it), and swim in a really nice little lake for a bit. Then as I am leaving, I fall over and drop myself & the camera in the water - bugger. I take out the battery & memory card & hope all is well, then race to the airport.
The plane is empty, I get 3 seats to myself, and talk to a nice yankee lady who works in bio engineering over in the states, but was sent here to train doctors in how to use their new pace makers. She tells me that greece is really nice, as she went there for her honey moon, and that I should go to mykonos island, which I probably will.
9-9 My camera is dead. I don’t know what the condition with the memory card is, but the screen won’t come one. I also have a fierce cold, from my impromptu swimming & wetting everything then boarding a cold plane trick. I head off to see an opthalmologist, who tells me that while I’ve been taking various eye drop s- conjunctivitus, anti-inflammation etc etc, because my eyes are dry the preservatives have not been washed away, and this is irritating me. So, she flushes out my eyes, gives me some tear-drops (sans preservatives), and I am on my way!
Go home and sleep, then I head out with my cousin Soumya, meet some friends of hers and have a few drinks.
10-9 I check my emails. After recovering, I endeavour to write up on my trip, and make it to about 8-9 before yielding to the pressure. I won’t begin again until 12 september, which is my birthday. But more on that later. Ahhh, let’s see, I have a big party with my family today, to celebrate the birthday, so, in the morning I get some admin things done - I buy some shampoo & water cleansers for my india trip, check out my camera - still not responding much. It’s better now, I can use the viewfinder, but the pictures are foggy and messy. I get out a haridryer and set to work on it, and eventually all the water is out! Hooray, my camera is healthy & happy, and my photos are still on the memory card. All is well. I passed paddy fields, bison, monkeys - cool.
11-9 Ok, looking back, the last few days have been mostly boring-ish. I think today was no different - I sleep in quite a bit on acocunt of still being down with the cold, but awake feeling much better. I see a fantastic travel agent who is sooo helpful in planning my indian trip - don’t ever use escape travel for your holiday needs people, their staff are the most second rate wallies I’ve yet to come across. I then wander around kl, see the twin towers, ride on a, for all intents and purposes, eletronic horse that is somehow an exercise machine, get a 20 minute massage on these cool massage chairs, and meet up with a chap called Ramanan who visited me some years back. We have a few drinks, chat, and then I head off - I’m feeling festive, so I head to the SAME boring irish pub, which is the same - boring. I meet a sydney couple who buy me some drinks (on account of tomorrow being my b’day), only when I leave after them, the staff tell me to settle my bill! Which this couple didn’t pay for! And to top it off, I even went and bought them a round of drinks, which IS on the bill... so effectively I bought these people a round of drinks and a few beers for myself... not happy.
I feel the need to make a pithy comment about the obvious 5 yr anniversary today, but can think of nothing.
12-9 Ok, hooray, it’s my birthday! I get some emails from people (which meant a lot, actually, many thanks! I don’t know about the rest of you, but I always appreciate birthday missives a great deal), and my family call from Sydney, so that was nice.
I go to FRIM, which my uncle was the chairman of for 10 yrs, and which is the Forest Reseach Institute of Malaysia - they have man-grown rainforests, and a canopy walk, where you walk on tree tops, giant ants, leeches, viagra trees (for men & women), gigantic bamboo plants that stretch higher than sydney trees (bamboo is, incidentally, a type of grass, so is the highest growing type of grass if you are trivially interested), trees that naturally look like elephants (they really do!), 7ft long fish things that eat baby monkeys (but I just got to feed bread to them), and that share the same lake as turtles (who the fish things can’t eat) (and whom I also fed bread to)... so that was super fun! "
Go out & have a very nice dinner with my family, the place has many different restaurants, with different floor patterns styles (pebble stones, sand stones, brick, etc, as in I can't remember) throughout, and a very fany toilet with a water wheel that is operated by an attendant to turn the taps on.
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Whoa! Super crazy fun! And hardly any of it was censored! Crazy zanyness! Ok, I'm going to head off to sleep now, because tomorrow is the wonderful INDIA trip! Yes, the trip I have delayed for, what, 3 months! That's it party people, this is the beginning of the epic!
1 comment:
Mate, you really know how to bullshit. Keep up the great monologs, especially about really important stuff like crooked commas.
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