What I did today
What I did for the next few days way back in Bangkok (early October)
What I did today: felt tired and run down, am feeling better now, but still in the mood for an early night! Gosh, me being sick must make for excellent reading. My hostess, the lovely Mrs Devika, helped me buy some goods I needed later on, after making me an oh-so-tasty soup for brekkie. I bought some books and haggled with the garment salesmen on garment-salesman-road. Fun.
Oh, why not let you know what I am reading - currently the 8th habit, by Steven Covey. I don't know what the 7 habits preceeding it are, but I am sure they are very nice, just not so nice as the 8th. I've read the blurb, and I'm not sure what it is, but am pretty sure it isn't daily blog writing. But it may be, who knows?
Ok! So that has handled today (and I drank cocnut milk!) so let's look at early October, the first few days of thailand. Again, I'm afraid I'm not in the mood for any short-story writing, especially ones with ba-aaa-ad motifs, so I'll stick to my plainer style.
Thailand! Ok, so where did I leave off? Oh yeah, the stupas. Good fun things they are too, if too many of them. There are also statues of which I will post a picture, and there is me making ridiculous poses in front of aforementioned statues, which I will post too!
And that brings us to the giant gold buddha statue. Actually, no, it brings us to me meeting a nice American girl called Beth, who happily took some photos of me making the silly faces in front of the statues. And then I took one of her, only her viewfinder was broken, which caused the various thai peoples we met later on much consternation as to how the camera actually worked. But there you are.
So after a mild conversation (where are you from? Oh! America! I am off this way now), I see the giant golden reclining Buddha, and the giant golden sitting Buddha, and I start thinking about the big questions in life. The ones that people can't answer, like, "why are we here?" And "why ask why?" And "why ask why ask why?", and if you didn't see that last one coming then you really aren't getting into the swing of my thought processes, are you?
Anyhoo, I meet a thai dude who tells me... wait! I've forgotten to tell you all about the chief abbot of Wat Pho! I leave the Pho, see, and on the way out, this thai guy walks up and asks me if I'd like to see the chief abbot. Well, he really says:
"you wan' see chief abbo'? He religious man!" which how can any sane tourist say no to? So I get shown into the main monk-place (which some people call a monastery) and to the room of the chief abbot! He's sitting cross-legged on his seat, apparantly he's been like that for some time, and I sit down inf front of him cross legged, caring to not point me feet at him (because thais don't like that, doncher know?).
The abbot politely asks me where I'm from ("sydney!" - "ahhh, Sydney") and after that sparkling conversation he flicks some water at me, and then waves some red jos sticks around over me. All the while he is saying a little prayer (in thai) and bobbing back and forth. I'm meanwhile sitting there soaking up the religious-osity of it all, and with a final flick of his wrists he is done!
He ties this thai bracelet around my right hand, with 5 little white balls on it. The bracelet itself is made of intertwining red, green and yellow string, and I am quite fond of it. In fact, I still am wearing it now. The yellow string tying it (along with the green and red ones) has broken a bit, but it's still lasting the distance! oooh, touch wood!) He tells me this is a blessed bracelet, and that "you no be harmed, ahh?" which is very reassuring.
So I nod my head in what I hope is a kind of religious kinship nod, showing both respect for elders and respect for religion, and shift myself to get up. But the chief abbo' has another offer... he pulls from under his seat a tray - a tray unlike any other, it would seem. For in this wooden tray are enough lucky charms to keep anyone in a lifestimes supply of women, money and health.
"This wan" he explains to me, helpfully jabbing a finger at a picture of what appears to be a dancing elephant, "this wan, this get you much fortune. You be lucky man wit' this wan. This, for you is only 1000 baht."
"And this wan, this wan you get all'a women. You get women all'a time wit' this wan, is very popular to get. I see you, I see you like this wan. This wan, so good is only 2000 baht."
"And this wan, you get healthy. You be strong and virile, you need this wan if you get other wan!" This one seems to have a rhino, looking quite healthy, but I really can't remember.
"This wan, this wan is ve'y good for you. This wan is both for the women and the health, you know? This wan, is combination, but is not so expensive. You good man, I give you this wan for a good deal. You get this wan, you get for 3500 baht, ahh?"
Now the patented Andrew Bullshit (TM) Meter is rising at a steady rate. The first thought that crossed my mind was to haggle with this dude (he's now, incidentally, teling me about what can only be surmised as "the one amulet to rule them all" that gives powers of seduction, luck, money, health and other stuff), but not even I can bring myself to haggle with the cheif abbo' of wat pho. I also don't want to die death by monk, so I quickly make my excuses ("I am so, so, so sorry. I just don't have more than a few hundred baht on me") and he expresses his understanding ("is 'kay"). As I get up to leave, my helpful guide makes a suggestion - "Maybe you geeve donatiun?" so I give the chief 100 baht, and then get out of there.
*sigh* I don't know, I really like this story. I get a blessed bracelet, a glimpse of religious chickanery, and an experience that can't be available to everyone, as it isn't in the lonely planet. And yet the story... I don't know, the story just doesn't captivate. It's not like how I got my hill tribe bracelet (involving rabid dogs and stone throwing women bursting from huts), or how I nearly visited Davey Jones while scuba-ing, or stick fighting on a beach, or boggeying in Bollywood. Even adding in the transliterations for the conversation, it's just not the story I'll be telling my grandchildren.
Anyhoo, let's get onto what happened AFTER the monk, and before the river boat ride. I walk down with a different thai guide, who is going to take me to the river boat. He's a nice chap (although I've long since forgotten his name), who did a history degree and was busily teling me about wat pho, and the pure gold buddha, and some other interesting tidbits on the way to the boat ride. On the way from wat pho, I see Beth again, and I figure I might as well take this ride with someone - otherwise it will be a rather boring affair. I call out to her, and as she comes over, my mind flickers with how best to ask her to come with me.
"Pick a number between 1 - 10", or maybe "that dress is very nice, I saw another girl wearing it", or even "wow, you're so hot, it's a shame I'm gay". For whatever reason though, I decide to leave out my half remembered readings of one Neil Strauss and just ask her what she is planning. She responds with "I was thinking of getting a massage, and then maybe seeing
I can still remember his words: "The force you have is strong, but concentrate you must!" Oh, and ladies of the world! When a guy asks you what you are planning on doing, the best response is "nothing, really, I was just going to sit and wait for someone to ask me to come on a river boat ride with them." I don't know, maybe I'll publish a book for women entitled "The woman's -game, or how to get picked up in bars" - there seems to be a dearth of this kind of knowledge around. All this waiting to meet a guy whose read a book and knows what he is doing - WHY ARE YOU WANTING THESE PEOPLE? I blame Barbi myself. Stupid git, always waiting for that terribly androgenous ken chap. But that's neither here nor there (much like ken's missing bits, really).
Ok! So we go on a river boat ride together, which is much fun. There are fish that are so thick you could walk across the river on them (we were throwing bread at them) - and let's face it, that's pretty thick. If m'man JC (the late and the great) had these puppies with him at the mount, he'd have had no bread and a pile of fish. Ok, so maybe you couldn't quite walk across on them, on account of falling over in pain when they ate your toes, but you could try (if maybe you had no toes, see?). We also got to buy over-priced rambutans, mangosteins and bananas (And beer!) from a boat man who sold such things, which was very fun. Kudos to my Uncle R who taught me how to eat rambutans and mangosteins, so I could look like a world-weary traveller when explaining such things to Beth.
We also saw: homes that were on the water and looked like places you wouldn't want to live, and water. Alot of brown water. Oh! And some people who looked like they were really not enjoying the boat ride at all. I, of course, was not really enjoying the whole thing much, on account of goddamn Neil Strauss sitting there going all "the hand of hers you should be massaging" and other cool sayings. Neil doesn't realise I have a more laid back approach, which involves self-doubt, introspection and procrastination on these matters. A teacher good he is not.
Ok, it's what, 1am here? And I've written a pile. This particular day was quite eventful - oh, what the hell, let's see if I can't finish it off, eh?
We leave the boat and grab some dinner together. Which is in the khao san road, and was very nice. I check out some stuff to buy for vasan's kids, buy a bracelet for myself (and I've long since lost that one!) and eat some chicken and cashew nuts. Maybe. It's either that or pad thai. We then grab a tuk tuk ride back, which involved driving on the wrong side of the road, squeals of adventure, and more Neil Strauss. We part ways, and an arrangement to meet up the next day to tour some temples in the north.
Ok, that wasn't so bad, was it? Tomorrow - the temples of the north! Will Neil Strauss' teachings prevail? And my visit to Elephant Caves in Bombay! Gosh, with this kind of stuff, it's a wonder people visit other crappy sites like google and gmail at all, isn't it?
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