And... cut!

Ok, that's the end of the photo posting here in india for a while. My camera is totally shot. Well, no, no one actually pulled my camera out, made a biased case against it and then summarily shot it at dawn. At least, I don't think they did, there are no bullet holes. Maybe they missed and gave it a heart attack? I don't know.
Whatever, my camera makes a wee buzzing sound whenever you turn it on (and to think there are women out there who are turned on by wee buzzing sou... oh forget it. This is a family blog)

Anyway, the state of internet here in Ahmedabad is quite... dire. It's a sticky wicket, really. Even a sticky keyboard. That's right, despite the signs on all the internet cafe's helpfully advising:
"Please do not be viewing the porn on the internet, it will be getting us into the trouble", the computer I was haplessly bundled to last night had a plethora of, erm, tasteful images scattered across it. Man of the WORLD that I am, I can brave such dangers, but the presence of a dirty, sticky keyboard (and acoompanying dirty, immovable mouse) was more than enough to shake my Camboooodia-proof nerves.

Also, in a show of good faith, it would appear that the google web logging analyser as decided that no one ever looks at this blog for any reason. Not even the google bots! Which is disheartening, especially when I know *I* look at this blog daily to find out what I am doing. I think, "oh look, today I went and saw some caves and other things, how very exciting".
It's the little things, like keeping in touch with yourself when you are travelling alone, that keep you sane. SANE I say.

ahem

Sanity aside, here's what I've done for the past few days. And then a super-quck summery of thailand. I've just noticed that the dude next to me is quite happily tucking into some porn before dinner, with the headphones and even some odd grunting! Both hands are on the table though (his. Mine are too though, I should hasten to add)which is... well, weird. It really doesn't explain the grunting, but it's a mystery that will have to remain so.

Yesterday I:
Arrived in ahmedabad, a city that was once "the Manchester of India", which is a cultural reference I don't fully understand. To follow through, I looked up Manchester on wikipedia. I'm assuming that either they make cotton, abandoned Ahmedabad in the dark ages, or have two rival soccer teams here. I'm banking on the "abandoned" option. ok, that wasn't the laugh a riot I was hoping it to be. I don't know, I was hoping wiki would warble on about percentages of indians in Manchester or something. But this is interesting:

Once characterised by dusty roads and bungalows, the city is witnessing a major construction boom and population increase. A rising centre of education, information technology and scientific industries, Ahmedabad remains the cultural and commercial heart of Gujarat, and much of western India. Since 2000, the city has been transformed through the construction of skyscrapers, shopping malls and multiplexes.[3] However, this progress has been marred by natural calamities, political instability and outbreaks of communal violence.

Ok, don't know what wiki's definition of a "skyscraper" is, and maybe I've spent too much time looking where I'm going to aboid stepping on dung or a dead dog when wandering the streets, but the highest building has hardly been more than 6 storeys. Maybe giving the sky a gentle rub, perhaps a file? I don't think "skyfilers" has the same gravity though. In any event, it's still dusty roads. And bookstores - endless study books for the next generation of young indians to read. All of which are programming books - if you're in IT and are reading this (and you should REALLY be working, who knows when the printer will crash, or what reports need to be made, or when Middo will strike?) - then you should be aware that every indian child that isn't selling books on the street is gunning for your job. Gun back, I say. But they have some pretty strong views on those kinds of shenanigans here.
In the article aboves defence, the building I'm not in is a multiplex. It has both an internet cafe, a small food store AND a mobile repair shop. I think I'm in the fashionable area.

Oh! What did I see today? Well, yesterday I met up with an American girl (different one, this one being called Kim) who is travelling with an American Art School (from Rhode island?) around india to, I don't know, draw stuff? I bumped into her and her friends in mumbai at the elephanta caves, had dinner with them in Mumbai, and quite by chance have bumped into them here again! Kim's been here for a few days, and had the afternoon off from drawing, so we grabbed some food and she pointed out the areas here I should see, and the places that aren't worth the effort. Thanks Kim! She was also lewdly stared at when we decided to go to the markets, so we hurried back to the restaurant and spent the evening there.
We ate some quite a-grade food here, there's a nice place called "House of MG" which is a-grade, and i'm saving a bit on account of my room costing a bare-nuckle 150 rupees a night. I know, but there were no weevils in the tiolet paper (there WAS no toilet paper, and who needs it when you have a squat toilet anyway, eh?) and i even have tv! I drifted off to sleep while indians danced in circles on the telle. The place is called "Rupali House" and is really decent.

Ummm... ok, next up, I saw today a well that was 5 or 6 stories underground (really cool, I have no photos as camera is shot, well, no, no one actually pulled my camera out, made a biased case against it and then summ... oh i did that already) and a, ah, mosque with 2 minarets that shake. Only you can't shake them yourself anymore. So I saw a mosque with 2 minarets. But apparantly, if you shake one, the other shakes in harmony. I don't know how you shake it as it's made of sandstone, and about 5m in diameter. But there you are.

Ok!

I promised stories of thailand and dying on boats, but I really want to throw on camera photos, which I can't do! But here, let me quickly summerise Thailand:

Met some military soldiers, and enquired about tanks. Military thai types don't speak english though, and certainly don't know what tanks are. They were probably wondering why I wanted them to thank me. Anyway, I get on the idea to wave my left are stiff out infront of me, supported by my right arm, and scream "Boom! Boom!" which of course they understand to mean that I am completely mad. One of them eventually twigs though, and after 10 thai soldiers stop laughing/running around going "Boom! Boom!" they explain that:
"Boom boom is gone. Boom boom go fix, come back t-moorow. You no see boom boom tonight, is not here."
I am later offered to get some "boom boom" by a taxi driver, but I patiently explain to him that that's not possible, as "boom boom" needs to be fixed, maybe tomorrow. Guy gave me the weirdest stare.

Phuket:
I learn to dive (and boy, is there a sizzler of me in a dive uniform). Diving is wild fun, and while the air pressure kills, I really recommend it. I went on an overnight boat for the actual dives in the open water, saw some fish, coral, nearly squashed a small fish, nearly drowned... oh wait, let's do that story, eh?
Nothing can capture the magic of being surrouded by a school of fish underwater (except by being there, I suppose), it's at once peaceful, lively and just down right wonderful. It's like being in an aquarium only more so. Nothing can also capture the feeling of swimming around your boat, only to get caught by a tide and pulled backwards, and then, just when you are exhausted but with enough energy to finish the swim, some ass parks their boat 10m from you.
Boom! I'm caught by the wake of the boat, thrown against the side of my boat.
Bang! I'm scrabbling with my hands to not be swept UNDER the boat by the waves, and I'm echausted. And finally, when I regain myself, I see that my hands are just dripping in blood, as they've been merrily cut open by the barnacles on the side of the boat.
I signal for help, and am picked up by our raft boat and brought ashore. Ok, no flashbacks (aside from doing this blog) but it wasn't very fun.

Phuket:
I meet a nice german girl called Eva, and she is here visiting Hans, a friend from Germant. Hans is gay, by the way, so we go out that night to a gay cabaret show. It's actually really fun! I man the spotlight for a bit, there are energetic drag queens lip synching (that was a let down) songs, and at the end, all these little thai boys run out on stage in white undies with numbers on them! You can pick a boy, apparantly, and he'll come home with you.
Well, I didn't need anyone to carry my shopping bags, so I passed on the offer, and anyway those boys would have looked mighty strange carrying bags down the street in numbered undies, but that's thailand. I was later told by one of Hans' friends that not all the boys were gay, which was an interesting fact. Food for thought, really.

Phi Phi:
I learn thai kick boxing, hang out with the locals at the bars and clubs, drink with the locals at the bars and clubs, help carry up one of the locals after he passes out (we stop him from calling his mum) - oh c'mon, I'm not doing phi phi justice here. I'm going to have to post those photos - it's really the most gorgeous place you could visit, tropical, beachy, friendly, if you haven't been to phi phi you are missing out.

Koh Lanta:
Drunken stick fighting, a motor bike incident, cheap eating and good fun! Ok, I'm going to HAVE to post photos.

I know in the past I haven't, and this is a good indicator of the future, but then again Terminator 3 came out, and there is NO REASON for that film to have logically been made, so who knows, eh?