The story? Well, the plan WAS to go to the airport, and check in my luggage. Seeing as I only had a coupl'a tees and some jeans, and they were in a plastic bag, there really wouldn't appear to be a need to. But, oh, there was.
See, in the oosa, the airports have this quaint law about not carrying more than 3oz (whatever THAT is. Whenever I see oz, I think of the lamentable teenage mutant ninja turtles movie: "The Secret of the Ooze" (or maybe it was a game)) of liquid... and yep, you gueesed, I am packin' more than that.
"How?" You ask, oh so helpfully? No, really, do you? Oh! You do! Good!
Well, because I carry contact-lens fluid on me. Going TO NYC, the delights at customs not only insisted I throw away my 4oz container, but ALSO that I throw away my mostly-used toothpaste. Why I'd brought it, I don't know, I hadn't brought the brush. There are 2 ways to carry these deadly liquids through the oosa airspace, by the way. One is by putting it in a clear, quart-sized zip-locked bag zzzz-zzzzzzz-zzzzz.
The other is to check it in! Obvious.
So, the plan was, on the way back from NYC to SFO (I don't know what the 'O' means, the airport is called San Fran International...), to check in my contact lense fluid. Think of the hilarity at 1am when I toddle off the plane, only to have to go to the rotating thinggummy whatsit to wait for my contact lens bottle, that would dutifully trundle off the conveyor belt, alongside the other bags.
Ok, it's a pretty funny image, except that had I done it, it would have been 1am and I wouldn't have bothered. As it happens, though, I didn't do it. And NOT because I wasn't allowed to... but because I didn't need to. Yep, they just let me carry my contact-lens fluid RIGHT ONTO THAT PLANE. God knows what the "evil forces" that threaten this fine nation (oosa) will do with that info now it's on the internet, but I'm not flying here again!
Oh, and Fox News? I watched one of your shows tonight - it's called the "Bill O'Reilly Show". Just thought I should let you know, after watching it? My IQ dropped... that darn thing isn't high to start with, and your show's simplistic grammar and easy-to-reuse point of view (the world is, apparantly, full of "good guys" and "bad guys") has lowered it more. It took my a full ten minutes to open the fridge door after watching your show, and it was only later that I realised that I'd really wanted to go out and get some milk. I was wondering why it was so dark outside. And cold. And small.
I'll sue! That's what I'll do!
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